FUN & HUMOUR AT THE BMB
by Derek Horner
At the tender age of 17, I commenced my career at the Birmingham Municipal Bank and quickly learned about the seriousness of banking.
However, there were moments of fun and humour amongst the seriousness.
Expressions from depositors that I well recall:
"I
am now married, will it hurt?"
"May I have my baby in the Bank?"
Talking of babies, I was a cashier at Hay Mills branch
when a young lady came in and placed her toddler on the counter in front of me and he kept asking "are you my daddy?" The lady had
come in to buy National Savings Certificates and filling those in was so time consuming with the various nominations - No! I was not
his daddy.
Over time I worked with Wally Brown, who had a hearing problem. I asked him for cash from the safe and he responded:
"I would love a cup".
At Little Bromwich branch I served a depositor by the name of "Onions" only to be told "it is pronounced owe nigh ons".
One correction never to be forgotten occurred in my time in Current Accounts Department. John Hall was working in
Banking Hall and told me that an irate customer insisted that he see someone regarding his statement (which were printed from plates
held at an office over the City branch). How I held my composure I never know! His name was Whitehouse but the plate was typed with
an 'S' and not the 'W'. When I shared that with Keith Haslam, we all fell over with laughter.
Cashiering at Sheldon branch (then
called Wells Green), a lady came to me and said "my husband worked at Rover and had an account with the BMB. I have to tell you that
he has died and I wish to close the account". I replied that the account was in joint names. "Is it joint with a woman?" she asked.
I replied "yes" and as she stormed out I could hear her yelling "I will kill him" over and over again.
Another sad recollection
was when I worked with Stan Gregory at Small Heath. A lady came in and threw a screwed-up piece of paper at me! I opened it and it
was a cheque for thousands of pounds! The lady burst into tears; Stan and I sat her in the office and served her tea. Sadly, her husband
had worked six days a week for most of their married life, but within a week of his retirement he had died. They had planned to retire
to the coast in Wales.
When I worked with my close banking friend Roger Garner in Current Accounts Department, we were asked
to be receptionists for a retirement party. A room was made available and we were to serve sherry. Everyone in Head Office was invited.
Well, Roger and I got there well ahead of time and we thought we should have a glass to ourselves before the rush. We did not stay
with just one glass! In fact, we over indulged. Roger then had a quick thought: over to the washroom and topped up the half empty
bottles with tap water!
I recall one time when we went to collect Cheque Guarantee Cards from the printers. It was a hot day
and the cards were placed on the car's roof and the driver forgot and drove off! A group of us drove to Broad Street to search for
the cards - we found most of them, I'm pleased to say.
Working at Sparkhill branch was eventful and I recall two incidents.
The first was a cashier's drawer that only had two bowls for coins and a fellow cashier thought "I can us my pocket as a third bowl!"
The look of disdain by depositors I can still recall. The other 'incident ' was when I was working with a lovely Relief Branch Manager,
Jack Pardoe. A lady came into the branch and said "I recently married and need to change my name". I replied "may I see your MC?"
(Marriage Certificate). Well, Jack collapsed in a heap of laughter! To this day I do not know what was so funny.
Finally, one
wet and breezy day I was working at Nechells branch and Johnny Walker was the Manager. The branch was visited for an inspection by
Ken Robottom. He was advising me to take care of inkwells, blotting paper and deposit/withdrawal slips etc. Meantime, he emptied his
smoking pipe into a wicker basket. It was not long before the basket was ablaze and Ken then directed me: "leave the ink - get water
and be quick"!